Tango rant

....being the ramblings af a Tango teacher, event organiser, and DJ (aka grumpy old man). Not to be taken too seriously, it's just easier than therapy. So sit back with notepad & pencil in hand, nod and make calming empathetic comments as I go off on one...

1. Clothes maketh the dancer?

At milongas we see people wearing many different types of clothes. The ladies are nearly always immaculately turned-out. They have clearly spent time & effort & money to look great, and it works. One of the joys of milongas for me is to dance with lovely ladies who look good.

As for the men... I don't care how good a dancer you are, I believe that the clothes you choose to wear show your respect to the Ladies. I choose to look smart, and I've found that this also affects the way that I dance; I walk taller and feel good beside my beautiful partner.

Some Tango leaders try to look cool by wearing casual street clothes to dance. Mistake. I think it looks just plain scruffy. So please resist the "urban cool dude" look: dirty, ragged cargo pants, old T shirt, trainers, stubble, etc etc. Scruffy clothes are disrespectful to the followers. End of.

2. Show dances. Why?

At a milonga we put a lot of effort into building the atmosphere so that everyone is enjoying all of the evening's dancing. So why interrupt everything, turn on the lights, stop the music, and make everyone sit down, just to watch someone else dancing?

I've said it before (and, yes, I'll say it again...) My audience when I'm dancing consists of 1 person only. My partner. If it's a great dance then we'll both know it, but someone watching will almost certainly miss the subleties of movement and connection that made it special. So, how can you demonstrate a great Tango in such a way that an audience can appreciate it? You can't.

Tango performed for an audience is a different dance. If you want that type of thing then watch "Tango Fire" or "Tango Por Dos" or any other of the shows around.

So, why do lots of Milongas include show dances? To me it seems like a waste of good dancing time, and is best spent getting a drink, or popping out to the loo, or looking even more grumpy than usual.

3. It ain't easy being a DJ, sob, sob...

Why do People feel it is appropriate to make suggestions to me whilst I am DJ-ing at a Milonga? They sidle up and innocently say one of 3 things:

1. ".. have you got any Gotan Project?"

Well of course I have. But at this Tango dance event, where all the advertising says we play Traditional tango music, I won't be playing any Gotan. If I choose to play some "Nuevo" music (e.g. when the food is served at a Tea dance) then it probably won't be Gotan either, as I think that it is over-used and mostly rubbish for dancing. In fact, I am hard-pressed to find any Nuevo Tango that inspires me to dance. The more I listen to it the more it becomes boring, derivative, and repetitive to my ears. I get my Nuevo fix at the Junction 8 milonga every 2 months, and that's just fine, thank you.

2. "Isn't it time we had some Vals/Milonga/Pugliese..."

Would you go into a restaurant and interrupt the chef halfway through dinner to suggest that some Crayfish on the menu would be a good idea? Probably not. So how could it be appropriate to suggest what I should play next? Recently a person did this at Eton, and I struggled to resist my urge to do a Gordon Ramsay at him. I'm working constantly when I am DJ-ing, watching what's happening on the dance floor, feeling the atmosphere, and I'm constantly changing the playlist to suit the mood. I hope you like the music mix, 'cos if you do then you'll come back next time. If you don't like it then perhaps you'll find a DJ whose playlist is more to your liking. If you want to be a Tango DJ then you are welcome to try, and maybe then you'll understand why unsolicited suggestions for playlist items are as welcome as asking Raymond Blanc for some HP sauce.

3. “What was that track you played (insert any number up to 20) Tandas ago? Can I have a copy of it?”

As my beloved can confirm, I spend hours at home listening to Tango tracks, adding to the repertoire to keep our music fresh and interesting. It's part of the job, and I love it. Every now and then I come across a hidden gem, a jewel of a track that becomes a favourite. Those tracks are the reward for the rest of the time that is spent listening to poor quality recordings or indifferent songs. My playlists are my intellectual property; they are what define me as a DJ. So I would rather not give away those jewels that I took hours to find. I hope you understand. Goodbye.

4. The perfect partner

What makes a dance partner perfect? It's impossible to say, but easier perhaps to say what she does NOT do. David Bailey is a sensible man (http://www.learningtango.com) & has summed it up well. He suggests:

Not staying on the foot on which I have clearly placed you.
Hanging on my neck.
Abusing my axis. “I’ll respect yours, if you respect mine.”
Not giving me enough weight. It feels like I am having to chase you around the floor.
Giving me too much weight. It can be like pushing a fridge uphill.
Pushing my head with your head. It gives me neck-ache.
Not being able to do decent giros in either direction. This obviously does not apply to beginners but quite a few experienced followers still have not mastered this. On a crowded floor, in line of dance, I need you to be able to do this.
Wearing brooches or belt buckles that stick into me. Ouch!
Low backed dresses. Sticky!
Eating peanuts, salt & vinegar crisps, etc. I know that often they are put out on the tables but do you have to eat them? And smokers: the smell of stale tobacco smoke stays in your hair. Maybe when you pop outside for a quick fag you could put on a shower hat or something.
When dancing in open-hold, quit trying to watch my or your feet. Or even worse, when in class, stop watching the teacher’s feet. It means you are looking over your shoulder when I am trying to lead you.
Obsessive talking about shoes. Regrettably very common.

5. You Tube. You What?

In the lost, lonely hours between planning lessons, preparing music and making cups of Tea for my beloved, I often receive an email or Facebook link: “have you seen these dancers on You Tube; can they teach at your lessons?”

There will be a poor quality clip of a Tango couple dancing a show dance at an event, with lots of flamboyant movements, travelling at 100 mph around an empty dance floor followed by rapturous applause. You Tube has thousands of such clips of Tango Dances.

I have… ahem… already spoken about show dances at Milongas. Yawn. The dancers are often brilliant, and far better than I am. Sigh. BUT why o why o why is a show dance clip on You Tube meant to be an indication of how good a teacher is? I’ll say it only once, so listen carefully:

A good show dancer is not necessarily a good Tango teacher.

The two skills are totally different. Yes, teaching requires some dance ability, but it also takes communication skills, interpersonal skills, time management, etc etc etc … oh, and intelligence, wit, & charm... ;-)

If I want to be taught by you, I want to know what you are like as a teacher, not a show dancer. Tango teachers promoting themselves with show dances is irrelevant. Like tinned peaches. Yuk. So, stop me if I’m talking crazy here, would it not make more sense to promote a Tango teacher by using a clip of them teaching Tango?

6. Chaca – bloomin – rera

My loathing of Chacerea is well- known. Why? Where do I start? Chararera is…:

According to Wikipedia: “A type of folk music that, for many Argentines, serves as a rural counterpart to the cosmopolitan imagery of the Tango. The Chacarera is often legitimised by a discourse espousing its “origin” in the remote province of Santiago del Estero. A closer look at the history of the Chacarera, however, reflects a situation shared by the “official” cultures of many nation-states: While undeniably present in contemporary rural Argentina, it is also the product of a romanticized construction of national identity.” i.e. it’s not even authentic.
A naff style of folk dance. Little better than Morris Dancing.
Ridiculous at best, even when danced by Argentineans. When danced by Europeans it just looks tragic.
Over-used at Milongas. Often a good night’s dancing for me has been spoiled when the music stops, the lights are turned bright, and the Chacarera is announced. Why would anyone want to interrupt a good’s night of Tango to play Chacarera? Probably the same people who like to play Tandas of Salsa or Jive. Mad.

So…, for the love of Tango… Stop Playing Chacarera!

7. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit...

Since I started taking the drugs, very little these days drives me to violence. However, there is one thing that could still tip me over the edge, running amok on a chainsaw-driven rampage.

Dancers who talk whilst they are dancing, you have been warned. How can you interrupt the delicate musical communication, with chat & babbling small talk? Are you mad?

The only distraction that I welcome during a dance is the sight of Kylie arriving at the Milonga offering me a Ferrari Formula 1 drive. If you are not Kylie then please keep quiet and enjoy the beautiful music and my earnest attempts at musical leading.